I rant and rave about planning ahead, and I really do think that the reason most parents get stuck with massive holiday debt, intermittent debt every time major child purchases come, and money stress thinking about getting stuck like that is a lack of practical planning. Not a lack of planning, but PRACTICAL planning.
Even parents who have a savings account for dentist visits and medical emergencies get a little stuck when their child grows into a new bed or needs their next stage of toys and educational stuff. The same often goes with clothes and continuing expenses. All fo this comes to a head during holidays, especially birthdays and dreaded winter holidays.
Then I thought, maybe these parents don't plan for a reason! My best guess is that it's either very tedious to them or they lack space to buy ahead. So let me talk you guys through this process. It doesn't have to be time consuming or tedious, and after awhile, you might make a hobby of it.
Start early! Start planning ahead when they are born. The easiest way is by collecting clothing ahead of time for the first year or two they will need it. Put away the notion of not getting something because your child won't need it yet. Get it early and it's there when you need it. I'm not suggesting you collect 5 years ahead, but collecting for the next two isn't so bad.
Lose the term "buying". You aren't "buying" ahead, but "collecting". When you think of buying, it requires that you spend money and pushes you into that debt trap. Collecting implies many ways of getting what you need. Here are a few ways you can get these items without breaking the bank and tips for easy collecting.
1. Swap and Bartering Groups! Look for yahoo groups that focus on bartering items and services. You'll get rid of items you don't need and pick up things you do. Colorado has a group called Santa Swap for that exact purpose. If there aren't any around you, use the "barter" section on Craigslist.org or get together a group of local moms and start your own group.
2. Freecycle. Almost anywhere you are is a freecycle group. www.freecycle.org will help you find yours. People give away things they don't need and you pick them up from that person. Its aim is to keep our landfills free of useful items. The craigslist free section will also give you access to free items. Both these resources need to be checked often because things go quickly.
3. Choose your items to last. Avoid plastic furniture for young children. It's built to be disposable and keep you buying. Instead, watch your swap/free groups, yard sales, and thrift stores for real wood items that grow with your children. Who says the dresser in their nursery can't be the dresser they use in high school?
4. Embrace hand me downs! If you do this right, with the exception of some clothing, you should only be collecting for your oldest child or oldest couple children if you have a large family. This is another reason for choosing durable items. A toddler bed can be passed from one toddler to another. The same with cribs, dressers, lamps, diaper bags, toys, blankets, decor, books... getting the idea?
5. Clothes are another subject. Hand me down clothes are GREAT. Just be smart about them. If you have children of different genders (some boys/some girls), there's some clothing that cant be handed down or will have to skip a child. With clothing, collect ahead for your oldest boy and oldest girl, allowing for a wide range of clothing types. Not all clothing survives to be handed down, but you'll be buying much less if you save what can be saved.
6. Storage. Box clothing up by size if it isnt being directly handed down. Diaper boxes are great for this. Create a spot in your nursery closet or wherever you can for storing things. Things to store: clothes, disassembled furniture you are waiting for the next child to grow into, toys for holiday/birthday gifts as well as to keep up with general aging. Rule of thumb for clothes and toys: don't save anything they will not use in the next two years of development.
7. Use lists. List what you are watching for and watch for it until it comes. Don't get things not on your list or things that won't be used. For clothing, make numbers. List how many of each piece of clothing you want for each size and adjust it as needed. This will keep you from collecting 60 pieces of size 2T clothing and only 10 pieces of size 3T. Don't over-collect once you have plenty of something.
8. Young children don't know the difference between a new toy and a clean used one. If you have $50 saved for each child for whatever winter holiday you celebrate, you have two choices. You can get them a couple nice, new, toys from the store, OR you can get them any number of unique toys used. Thrift stores and craigslist will have a lot for sale throughout the year. Watch for things that are priced very well. Know what ages your children will be at certain holidays so you collect things that are just right when the holiday comes around. This means that you can buy ahead! When you spread holiday purchases over months and months instead of getting it all at once, you won't have the debt or money problems. Buying used also allows you to buy expensive educational toys or just expensive fun toys that you might not otherwise have afforded. Clean the toys up with gentle cleaner and get them as new looking as you can, then put them in your collection storage area. Box them up and wrap them in time for holidays.
9. Make your collection work for you. Number of children, gender of children, disabilities the children have, and many other factors will effect how you do this. Make your collection work for the space you have and the financial situation you're in. Be patient and remember that anything you have ahead of time (often for free or VERY cheap) is money that is set free to make sure your children live a good and full life. If I cut my holiday budget in half and get all their furniture and big expenses of the year for free, my children will have more varied and nutritious food and will have more enriching experiences like time at the zoo, train rides, etc. The money you save can be put into a savings account or spent on things that benefit your whole family.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Parenting has changed so much over the years, and I'm afraid that it's not a change for the better. Children are overprotected, undereducated, and overstimulated. Speaking to other parents and working with the public has given our household a sour view of current child raising technique.
25 years ago, it was not uncommon for a child to go outside and get dirty, unsupervised and make their own mistakes. While I do not support the idea that the past is an ideal time with no flaws, it doesn't mean we should just run downhill in our thinking. Drug wars, stranger danger teaching, and technological babysitters have moved our kids from running around til the porch light comes on to being stuck in the house with their electronics. Parents who used to be afraid of someone kidnapping their child are not afraid of cyber bullying. Now, instead of having a schoolyard bully and children who learned social cues protect themselves, we have parents piping every bully on the planet straight into your home computer. While we don't believe that violence solves every problem, there are a few times in young life where the knowledge and confidence of standing up for yourself builds character and teaches lessons. Until an age where diplomacy and intelligence can win battles, a schoolyard scuffle can be the stepping stone to debate on the senate floor. If you ask me, the senate floor is a far more brutal ground. Even if your lofty expectations of political success for your child aren't achieved, being able to defend oneself at that level is a skill that every adult should have. So why is it acceptable for your child to only be able to spell in text speak?
Today, society believes in dumbing down children so they do not have the tools to defend themselves, make proper decisions, or one day become adults. Your child, one day, is going to reach an adult age. Whether or not they have an adult brain, adult emotional understanding, and adult skills is ENTIRELY up to the parent. Your job as a parent is not just to give it a life and babysit for 18 years. You have committed to giving the child building blocks they need to be a successful person. Child personality is formed by the age of 4. If you haven't taught your child basic sharing and when it is (and is not) appropriate to express themselves by the age of 4, you are pretty much fucked. After that, it's all about expanding on the basics. Children are not being taught how to cope with disappointment, sadness, loss, happiness, bullying, bad grades, good grades, failure, or success. Children are instead being put in front of television, given a soda or something, and medicated when the sedentary activities combines with sugar make them more hyper than average. This is not to say that you should unplug your television, but there are books, parks, games, sports, and learning activities. God forbid, they might get dirty. Sodas, tv, video games, and computers have their place. They, like other tools, are useful. They are not, however, cure all babysitters or means of raising children. This is the same philosophy that says a wrench can't fix every car problem. Interaction with other adults and children, along with time in public, teach children the skills to deal with people and the problems that come with life.
Parents believe that their way of raising children is the only way, and have adopted non-confrontational parenting techniques while maintaining confrontation with anyone that logically challenges their system. While I believe that this sums up my point, you have parents teaching their children to be polite while cussing phone customer service in front of them. The lesson, scream long enough and you'll get what you want. Fighting isn't the answer anymore, but verbal assault and threats are just fine. Bullying has moved from the schoolyard, where at least some skill was involved, to a computer where any tantrum throwing ninny that can spell becomes a bully. This gives rise to two flaws. The first is that everyone should care about your child's feelings and give them validation, which leads to a child not learning to validate themselves. Do your want your child to believe everything the unwashed masses tell them, or do you want a child that thinks for themselves and builds their own self-esteem. That is why they call it SELF-esteem, not neighbor's-esteem-for-you. The second is that not even crime requires skill anymore, and a little fake information removes the risk. This means that teaching children not to harm one another is harder when the bullied have no recourse to even defend themselves, let alone call on help.
This is, after all, just a rant and doesn't even close to cover all the flaws I see with parents and other people's kids, lol. Take it for what it is.
25 years ago, it was not uncommon for a child to go outside and get dirty, unsupervised and make their own mistakes. While I do not support the idea that the past is an ideal time with no flaws, it doesn't mean we should just run downhill in our thinking. Drug wars, stranger danger teaching, and technological babysitters have moved our kids from running around til the porch light comes on to being stuck in the house with their electronics. Parents who used to be afraid of someone kidnapping their child are not afraid of cyber bullying. Now, instead of having a schoolyard bully and children who learned social cues protect themselves, we have parents piping every bully on the planet straight into your home computer. While we don't believe that violence solves every problem, there are a few times in young life where the knowledge and confidence of standing up for yourself builds character and teaches lessons. Until an age where diplomacy and intelligence can win battles, a schoolyard scuffle can be the stepping stone to debate on the senate floor. If you ask me, the senate floor is a far more brutal ground. Even if your lofty expectations of political success for your child aren't achieved, being able to defend oneself at that level is a skill that every adult should have. So why is it acceptable for your child to only be able to spell in text speak?
Today, society believes in dumbing down children so they do not have the tools to defend themselves, make proper decisions, or one day become adults. Your child, one day, is going to reach an adult age. Whether or not they have an adult brain, adult emotional understanding, and adult skills is ENTIRELY up to the parent. Your job as a parent is not just to give it a life and babysit for 18 years. You have committed to giving the child building blocks they need to be a successful person. Child personality is formed by the age of 4. If you haven't taught your child basic sharing and when it is (and is not) appropriate to express themselves by the age of 4, you are pretty much fucked. After that, it's all about expanding on the basics. Children are not being taught how to cope with disappointment, sadness, loss, happiness, bullying, bad grades, good grades, failure, or success. Children are instead being put in front of television, given a soda or something, and medicated when the sedentary activities combines with sugar make them more hyper than average. This is not to say that you should unplug your television, but there are books, parks, games, sports, and learning activities. God forbid, they might get dirty. Sodas, tv, video games, and computers have their place. They, like other tools, are useful. They are not, however, cure all babysitters or means of raising children. This is the same philosophy that says a wrench can't fix every car problem. Interaction with other adults and children, along with time in public, teach children the skills to deal with people and the problems that come with life.
Parents believe that their way of raising children is the only way, and have adopted non-confrontational parenting techniques while maintaining confrontation with anyone that logically challenges their system. While I believe that this sums up my point, you have parents teaching their children to be polite while cussing phone customer service in front of them. The lesson, scream long enough and you'll get what you want. Fighting isn't the answer anymore, but verbal assault and threats are just fine. Bullying has moved from the schoolyard, where at least some skill was involved, to a computer where any tantrum throwing ninny that can spell becomes a bully. This gives rise to two flaws. The first is that everyone should care about your child's feelings and give them validation, which leads to a child not learning to validate themselves. Do your want your child to believe everything the unwashed masses tell them, or do you want a child that thinks for themselves and builds their own self-esteem. That is why they call it SELF-esteem, not neighbor's-esteem-for-you. The second is that not even crime requires skill anymore, and a little fake information removes the risk. This means that teaching children not to harm one another is harder when the bullied have no recourse to even defend themselves, let alone call on help.
This is, after all, just a rant and doesn't even close to cover all the flaws I see with parents and other people's kids, lol. Take it for what it is.
Staying Pretty AND Sane
Sorry for the delay in posting folks. I caught a nasty respiratory infection and am just getting over it. It is with inspiration from being sick that I post today's topic.
There are people out there that believe that a pretty mommy is a selfish mommy. After all, the time she spent making herself look like a person could have been spent on her child.
In some cases, a pretty mommy (or aunt) is a smart, time-conscious woman!
Here are some tips on staying pretty on the run, no matter what is going on.
1. Carmex!
It comes in a pot or a tube, and it's a life saver. Chapped lips from being sick don't stand a chance against this stuff, and it's something you can share with your kids too. If you've been sniffling and have a red, dry nose, rub the flakes off your nose with a washcloth, then dab some Carmex on the red spots at your nostrils. It's tingle for a minute, but the redness and dryness with both disappear. It's not just medicinal, it leaves a healthy shine and glow on your lips making them look healthy and glossy.
2. The glamorous ponytail.
Keep some ouchless ponytail holders and a few bobby pins in your purse and you can do anything. Fluff your hair with your fingers and make a low ponytail with one of your elastics. Next, take a little sliver of hair from your ponytail and wrap it around the ponytail holder. Secure with a bobby pin. Spritz your hair with hairspray and you have the adult alternative to the sloppy ponytail.
3. Shoes!
If you've defaulted to sneakers because you have kids, consider some other options. There are a lot of shoes with good support that you can just slip on. I have a pair of Stride Right mary jane style shoes. They have thick inserts in them and they support my feet all day. Bonus: they are pretty shoes. Look around the store. Flats are in right now and they can come pretty cheap. That means you can have nice looking feet and comfort all at the same time.
4. Wardrobe choices
Screw sweatpants. I don't care if they are easy to throw on; no one looks good in them! It's springtime. Pick yourself up a few (cheap) jersey dresses in spring colors. As per the above paragraph, grab some of those inexpensive flats to match them. If you aren't familiar with jersey, it's a very "in" fabric for clothes right now. It's also a fancy word for t-shirt material. Fact: A pink/coral/teal jersey dress and matching ballet flats cost about the same as sweats and cheap tennis shoes. They also take about the same amount of time to put on. You aren't loosing anything and you are gaining a sexy-mom attitude.
5. Don't beat yourself up for taking some time for yourself
Being a mom doesn't mean that you have to stop washing your face, brushing your hair, or being the same person you were before. Your baby will survive the ENTIRE 15 minutes you're in the shower. Your baby will never hold it against you that you look pretty when you go out together, and it's only petty people who will think badly of you for looking like a person while having a child. Obsessing over cute baby outfits doesn't negate obsessing over cute adult outfits too. Just relax.
There are people out there that believe that a pretty mommy is a selfish mommy. After all, the time she spent making herself look like a person could have been spent on her child.
In some cases, a pretty mommy (or aunt) is a smart, time-conscious woman!
Here are some tips on staying pretty on the run, no matter what is going on.
1. Carmex!
It comes in a pot or a tube, and it's a life saver. Chapped lips from being sick don't stand a chance against this stuff, and it's something you can share with your kids too. If you've been sniffling and have a red, dry nose, rub the flakes off your nose with a washcloth, then dab some Carmex on the red spots at your nostrils. It's tingle for a minute, but the redness and dryness with both disappear. It's not just medicinal, it leaves a healthy shine and glow on your lips making them look healthy and glossy.
2. The glamorous ponytail.
Keep some ouchless ponytail holders and a few bobby pins in your purse and you can do anything. Fluff your hair with your fingers and make a low ponytail with one of your elastics. Next, take a little sliver of hair from your ponytail and wrap it around the ponytail holder. Secure with a bobby pin. Spritz your hair with hairspray and you have the adult alternative to the sloppy ponytail.
3. Shoes!
If you've defaulted to sneakers because you have kids, consider some other options. There are a lot of shoes with good support that you can just slip on. I have a pair of Stride Right mary jane style shoes. They have thick inserts in them and they support my feet all day. Bonus: they are pretty shoes. Look around the store. Flats are in right now and they can come pretty cheap. That means you can have nice looking feet and comfort all at the same time.
4. Wardrobe choices
Screw sweatpants. I don't care if they are easy to throw on; no one looks good in them! It's springtime. Pick yourself up a few (cheap) jersey dresses in spring colors. As per the above paragraph, grab some of those inexpensive flats to match them. If you aren't familiar with jersey, it's a very "in" fabric for clothes right now. It's also a fancy word for t-shirt material. Fact: A pink/coral/teal jersey dress and matching ballet flats cost about the same as sweats and cheap tennis shoes. They also take about the same amount of time to put on. You aren't loosing anything and you are gaining a sexy-mom attitude.
5. Don't beat yourself up for taking some time for yourself
Being a mom doesn't mean that you have to stop washing your face, brushing your hair, or being the same person you were before. Your baby will survive the ENTIRE 15 minutes you're in the shower. Your baby will never hold it against you that you look pretty when you go out together, and it's only petty people who will think badly of you for looking like a person while having a child. Obsessing over cute baby outfits doesn't negate obsessing over cute adult outfits too. Just relax.
Don't Freak Out or The Hitchhiker's Guide To Parenting
Congratulations, you now own a creature that spits vile goo from both ends of it's body and screams at random intervals. Accept this.
The biggest pet peeve of mine is stressed out parents who freak out over everything. They are usually the same parents that believe you'll enjoy each moment with your child, even if you are underfed, tired, and haven't showered in a couple days.
I understand genuine child emergencies, hospital visits, and things. Freaking out then is ok, as long as it doesn't make you useless to your kid.
I'm talking more about the parents who run every time their child squalks, squeaks, fusses, or cries. I'm not advocating ignoring your baby when it's hungry, thirsty, tired, or needs attention. It's just not an emergency.
Turn off the inner panic button in you that goes off each time your child cries. Walk to your child instead of running, and remember that nothing scares a child like a scared parent.
Don't panic and always know where your towel is.
The biggest pet peeve of mine is stressed out parents who freak out over everything. They are usually the same parents that believe you'll enjoy each moment with your child, even if you are underfed, tired, and haven't showered in a couple days.
I understand genuine child emergencies, hospital visits, and things. Freaking out then is ok, as long as it doesn't make you useless to your kid.
I'm talking more about the parents who run every time their child squalks, squeaks, fusses, or cries. I'm not advocating ignoring your baby when it's hungry, thirsty, tired, or needs attention. It's just not an emergency.
Turn off the inner panic button in you that goes off each time your child cries. Walk to your child instead of running, and remember that nothing scares a child like a scared parent.
Don't panic and always know where your towel is.
Coralling, Protection, and Independance
You are going to spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to move around, but what happens when they can. Safety gear is marketed to parents who don't know how to handle a toddler and their curiosities. Some things are worth it, some aren't, but they all prey on your fear that your baby will kill itself if their world is not baby-proofed.
I focus how I interact with our toddler on teaching her how to be a functioning human. If I cover her in safety gear and corral her into a pen, that's not reaching my goal.
Outlet covers are nice to have around. We don't, however, use baby gates or those crazy puppy-pens they market for children. Your baby will explore, stick things from ground to mouth, and touch anything in reach. That does not mean that you have to move everything from reach. A one and a half year old can begin learning what is and is not appropriate to touch. While ours doesn't like hearing "no", she knows exactly what it means.
This treatment has created a pretty independent toddler. We don't do for her the things she can do herself, and she gets to make mistakes. She falls and bumps her head, scrapes her arm, and gets rug burn. When she was a baby, we propped her bottle on blankets sometimes, which sped her being able to hold her own bottle.
We learned quickly that what you do for your child without letting them mess it up, they won't learn to do for themselves. If they drop the heavy table book or dish on their toe, they know not to do that. Your child will fall, will cry, and will get dirty. None of these things are an emergency.
I focus how I interact with our toddler on teaching her how to be a functioning human. If I cover her in safety gear and corral her into a pen, that's not reaching my goal.
Outlet covers are nice to have around. We don't, however, use baby gates or those crazy puppy-pens they market for children. Your baby will explore, stick things from ground to mouth, and touch anything in reach. That does not mean that you have to move everything from reach. A one and a half year old can begin learning what is and is not appropriate to touch. While ours doesn't like hearing "no", she knows exactly what it means.
This treatment has created a pretty independent toddler. We don't do for her the things she can do herself, and she gets to make mistakes. She falls and bumps her head, scrapes her arm, and gets rug burn. When she was a baby, we propped her bottle on blankets sometimes, which sped her being able to hold her own bottle.
We learned quickly that what you do for your child without letting them mess it up, they won't learn to do for themselves. If they drop the heavy table book or dish on their toe, they know not to do that. Your child will fall, will cry, and will get dirty. None of these things are an emergency.
Do You Really Need All That?
I've been saving these up for awhile. I'll expand on some of these themes as we go along, but this is my beginning dump of parenting and family thoughts, separated by entry.
They market so much for kids, and parents are eating it up. As you raise your child, you might realize that some of your purchases were a waste of time and money. You might also realize that you should have upgraded a few things you skimped on.
Example: Changing Table and Diaper Genie Elite
We didn't buy a changing table, and for the life of me, I don't know why anyone would. I change the girls on the couch and my bed, sitting next to them. I toss down one of the dozens of receiving blankets, lay the kid down, and do my job. I don't need a special table for it. Being portable with changes also helps when a really messy situation happens and it's not convenient to carry a dirty child all the way across the house.
The diaper genie thing is where some people skimp. We got a diaper genie elite and couldn't be happier with it. Our house does not smell like baby mess. I've seen homes where the knock off one was used and they don't seal off the smell quite as well.
Skip the $100-$300 new piece of furniture and drop $40 on something that makes your house not stink.
Ask yourself the necessary questions as you buy each piece of baby gear. Get what you need and what works for you and your baby, not what the store baby section says you need. Remember that not long ago, most women got buy without even half this crap, creating successful children and respected world leaders. Do you really want to be that parent that has to load an SUV just to leave the house with your kids?
They market so much for kids, and parents are eating it up. As you raise your child, you might realize that some of your purchases were a waste of time and money. You might also realize that you should have upgraded a few things you skimped on.
Example: Changing Table and Diaper Genie Elite
We didn't buy a changing table, and for the life of me, I don't know why anyone would. I change the girls on the couch and my bed, sitting next to them. I toss down one of the dozens of receiving blankets, lay the kid down, and do my job. I don't need a special table for it. Being portable with changes also helps when a really messy situation happens and it's not convenient to carry a dirty child all the way across the house.
The diaper genie thing is where some people skimp. We got a diaper genie elite and couldn't be happier with it. Our house does not smell like baby mess. I've seen homes where the knock off one was used and they don't seal off the smell quite as well.
Skip the $100-$300 new piece of furniture and drop $40 on something that makes your house not stink.
Ask yourself the necessary questions as you buy each piece of baby gear. Get what you need and what works for you and your baby, not what the store baby section says you need. Remember that not long ago, most women got buy without even half this crap, creating successful children and respected world leaders. Do you really want to be that parent that has to load an SUV just to leave the house with your kids?
Welcome
I feel like I should be using the opening monologue from The Libertine right now.
My name is Angel. I chose not to have children of my own, but two dear friends had one (then another) and needed my help. The mother is handicapped (cerebral palsy). So, here I am.
Child 1 is a toddler now and the second is a newborn.
This is sort of my confessional, but will come out as parenting tips. Some of you will think me the barbaric type and unfit to raise children, and others will find my advice to be common sense.
Our household is an alternative bunch and that will come out in my postings.
Feel free to respond to the posts. Everything else you might want to know about me will become apparent as this blog develops.
My name is Angel. I chose not to have children of my own, but two dear friends had one (then another) and needed my help. The mother is handicapped (cerebral palsy). So, here I am.
Child 1 is a toddler now and the second is a newborn.
This is sort of my confessional, but will come out as parenting tips. Some of you will think me the barbaric type and unfit to raise children, and others will find my advice to be common sense.
Our household is an alternative bunch and that will come out in my postings.
Feel free to respond to the posts. Everything else you might want to know about me will become apparent as this blog develops.
Moved to Blogger.
You'll see some repeat posts put here all at once, but I'm moving over to blogger.
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