The toddler leash debate

We recently hit up and arts and sciences thing held by the SCA. I came to terms that day with traveling with a toddler in period clothing. Keroywn wore an orange tunic, green pants, and little leather shoes. She went to classes with me, and I went to most of the children's classes so her noisy-ness wouldn't interrupt serious discussion.

The thing is, a toddler wants to run. A toddler who is missing their nap for a day of classes is especially fun to handle. I took a 6 foot piece of tablet weaving with me just in case I needed to leash her, but we had never done a leash before, so I didn't want to start that way. While I was, in theory, pro-child leash, I was worried about how it would effect her. At 2 years old, she goes from super shy to super social in the blink of and eye. She also doesn't understand why she shouldn't go anywhere she likes. Above all, she's incredibly independent and intelligent. I suppose that though I don't like to admit it, I've been slightly poisoned by the idea that a child on a leash is a dog who is not allowed to express themselves.

A few hours in, I realized that she just wasn't going to be safe in a big crowd if she could run off, but not letting her run at all wasn't an option either. I broke down and tied a basic x-harness around her, which left about 3-4 feet of "leash" for me to hold. The harness was so that if she pulled, it wouldn't stress her body. I got a few shameful looks, but all in all, the parents thought I was a genius.

She was able to walk through the food line at lunch without incident and I had my hands free to make us a plate. She was able to play with the other kids and meet adults without getting lost in the crowd.

The biggest myth about child leashes was dispelled. It doesn't turn your kid into a dog or take away their independence. She was as free, active, and social as any other time. In fact, having the leash made her popular with the older kids (10 and 11 year olds) who wanted to play with her.

At the end of the day, when we counted successes and setbacks, the leash was more of a help than anything else. The only perceivable negative effect the colorful homemade leash had is the looks and perceptions of OTHER people. She was able to safely participate in more activities than she would have without being tethered.

Points and Rewards Programs

We had some friends over recently, one of whom drinks Dr. Pepper like it's going out of style. I mentioned my Coke points and told him that Dr. Pepper had a program too. It doesn't seem to be right for him.

I will always fail to see how, if you pay for a product that offers a reward program, how you don't take that reward. The arguments seem to be based on time spent on the program or the low rewards.

Sure, it may take a year to save up enough points to do something, but after a year it's nice to have something to show for my caffeine habit!

I used my Coke points this year for holiday gift shopping. Little things like small amount gift cards and magazine subscriptions are easy enough to earn. I have people helping me with this. My mother saves the reward codes off of her CocaCola 12 packs, my friends save their caps for me when they hit the gas station, etc. If I know a Coke drinker who doesn't use their points, you can bet I farm them to my own account.

Now, I don't think you should all have an obsession with money-saving like I do, but fail to see the point in the waste of tossing out the little rewards we get while you complain about the prices of the same goods. To me, it's like having a Sunday paper and not clipping coupons or shopping at a grocery store every week and never getting their discount card. Money may not grow on trees, but you can keep more in your pocket with some gentle vigilance.

What to do if you want to start these things? Check out your rewards programs and get accounts. Decide how you want to use it. With grocery stores, you'll save money, but with things like drug store rewards or soda rewards, you get freebies, discounts, and prizes. I use mine as a "Christmas Club" type thing. It's one way I save for the holidays. For you, it might be a once a year treat for yourself, school supplies for the kids, or something else. Which rewards you use will help you decide how to stretch those points the most.

Here's a list of brands/stores/products that offer some kind of reward.

Godiva - one free piece of chocolate a month at their stores. Sign up online at their website

Grocery stores - almost every grocery store has a discount card!

Wallgreens and CVS both have programs. CVS Rewards is great.

Coke and Dr. Pepper both have programs

Huggies and Pampers both have points programs

Department stores - check with your local clothing stores to see if they have a frequent shopper reward

Restaurants - just like department stores, ask if they have a discount card

Finally, get on EVERYONE'S email list. You'll get some annoying announcement emails, but you'll get coupons and birthday freebies too!

Holiday Craft Time!

It's time to start on holiday crafting. Long fall days at home are great for simple and complex crafts, and I'd like to think that anyone can do them. Some foraging is required if you want to keep crafts low/no cost, but it's worth it. Homemade gifts show thought, care, and love. Any shmuck can go buy a gift basket, but it's a loving (and talented) friend who will make a useful or beautiful gift for you. Ok, so we all buy gifts, but make your crafty friends feel good by telling them that last bit.

What are you making? Here's my craft to-do list followed by some solutions for cost-reduction. This list is, of course, edited because some of my readers are recipients.

• Food gift baskets filled with all homemade or home preserved (though locally picked) food. Baskets will include a combination of... apple butter, apple sauce, cheeses, bread, jam, butter, candy, pastries/sweets, and preserved veggies.
• Christmas crackers (traditional English "poppers" filled with candy and toys)
• Blankets
• Framed photo/art gifts
• Holiday Stockings
• Dresses for the girls
• Hairbows and accessories
• Handmade wreaths
• Garland for the tree
• Word magnets (the kind where each little magnet is a word and you can make phrases)
• Plush doll (for baby)

There are a few more things I'm making that I have to keep secret but these handmade touches will help fill up your gift list with love.

Food baskets are great for giving to other households when you cannot get each individual a gift. Just make the basket to their tastes. Each basket only needs a few items and a few trinkets to make it right.

Savory basket
Homemade bread
Homemade butter
Homemade ricotta cheese
Nice butter knife
Container of cherry tomatoes and mozzerella balls that have been drizzled with garlic infused olive oil.

Sweet basket
Homemade Fudge
Homemade Spice Cake
Homemade Apple Butter
Decorative Plate

Healthy Treats
Homemade oatmeal breakfast bars
Trail Mix made from local ingredients
Veggies home-preserved while fresh
Sugar free homemade jam
Homemade whole grain bread



See how easy it is to fix up a food basket? One you get all the ingredients together, fill the bottom of a big basket with shredded newspaper, tissue paper, etc. then neatly place your items in the basket. Wrap it with a clear celophane bag or colored plastic wrap and tie it all up with a pretty ribbon.


How do you reduce the cost of these time consuming gifts? Well, first start saving baskets. Free/low cost baskets are everywhere. Thrift stores, garage sales, etc. Also, start saving clear bags after you use the product in them. These clear bags can be used to wrap candies, bread loaves, pastries, etc. Other things to save include ribbon, twist ties from bread, jelly jars, newspaper, tissue paper, etc. I do my canning in the fall, so canning a few extra veggies or a few extra jars of jam is easy, especially when I pick up free veggies and fruit. Pick up non-perishable ingredients on sale during the year. Bread flour I already have at the house and a loaf of homemade bread in my machine costs about 50 cents. The nice additions in a basket like a pretty knife or decorative plate can be picked up from a discount store since you only need one for the basket. Thrift stores are also great to check for that kind of thing. I have found pretty antique plates in great condition that go well in these kind of baskets.

Instructions for everything else can be found by simple internet search. While you're using some free time online, look for crafts to do or search out some of the ones I listed.

No Cash Holidays... well... close

The holidays are coming up and I'm fretting about them. Not that I haven't been preparing since summer, but this will be my first holiday with a child old enough to know it's a holiday. The oldest will be 2 and 1/2 in December. She's very verbal and will hopefully love the season.

Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Yule/Christmas are all big deals here. Plus, in January, our youngest will turn 1! In total, between now and the end of January, I'll have FOUR birthday parties to throw.

Now, as a frugal woman, I know the danger in all of this. I know my system won't fail under the stress, but practicality sometimes gives way to convenience. Hopefully my successes can help you learn to live with less cash and more creativity. First, I'm going to post how I've made progress and managed to plan for holidays during the summer. Later, I'll put up some craft tutorials for truly great homemade gifts.

I've posted about saving money before and how to stock up for your child. Those principles can be used to prepare for holidays, birthdays, and any special occasion you know about in advance. I have one closet that I've dedicated to frugal storage, including holidays. I have one standing freezer for food storage (from which I have to parcel out a little corner for things to freeze for the holidays)

So what are my methods for a no-cash holiday. Well, here goes...

• plan ahead. If you get it early, you'll avoid any rush.
• Barter for things you need like toys, frozen turkeys, holiday decor, etc
• Watch the free section. Many people give holiday items away throughout the year. Right after a holiday, people will give away decor for that holiday, so pick it up and save it til next year!
• Make gifts. Homemade gifts don't have to be useless or cheap if you know what you're doing
• Planning ahead words for non-perishable food and things you can freeze too. I freeze stock, dried fruits, meats, and veggies throughout the year that can be used in a holiday meal. Canned goods you know you'll use can be picked up while that product is BOGO at the grocery store during the year.
• Make a "seasonal" section of your pantry to store the cake mixes, extra sugar, canned goods, disposable plates/cups/forks that you collect.
• Adopt freegan policies and hang out with those who do. Reuse what you can and don't buy what you can get for free.

I've been told that it's hard for people to do all this practically when they don't know how. In this interest, I'll list the things I have saved for the holidays and where I got them.

Fall decor, Yule decor, some toys, wrapping paper, a Father Christmas pie plate, storage boxes, ornaments, tree skirt, tree topper, window clings, and garland from various Craigslist free ads. This includes Craigslist free ads that offer yardsale leftovers, moving leftovers, a bunch-of-free-stuff-in-my-yard-if-you-come-right-now, and individual ads. Craigslist free section also got us a few bits of winter clothing for the girls.

Holiday cards, gifts, gift tags, and misc. nursery decor from Listia.com where you earn points to bid on free items. I only bid on ads with free shipping. I earned points by giving away handmade items on the site.

My barter groups and craigslist barter section gave me farm fresh produce and dried cherries that I packed in the freezer as well as a few gifts. From the barters, I also received paper plates, foam cups, plastic silverware, cake and cookie mixes, jello items, and other seasonal non-perishable food items. Finally, we got a ton of winter clothes for the girls including jammies, coats, and normal clothes... all in great condition.

Urban foraging gave me a few misc. items as well including winter clothes for one or two housemates.

A friend gave us childrens costumes that were not of use to them.

Closer to the holiday I hope to manage turkeys and more of the food for the season.

I hope this gives a better idea of how spending your time can replace spending your money. A few things still get bought, but the bulk of our special occasions involve putting lots of effort, thought, and love into the event rather than dumping money for convenient fun. I'm not trying to insult those who buy what they want. Everyone makes luxury purchases. I would like to help those who cannot spend that money or don't want to be anymore wasteful than they have to be.

Apple Instructions

Got too many apples? Here's what to do. Buying from the store to make these things is NOT cost effective, so don't do it. Pick your own, grow your own, etc. The apple butter recipe is written in per-pound measurements so you can make it in as small or large a crockpot as you want.

Apple Butter (in the crockpot)

Peel, core and slice a bunch of apples.
Put some in the crock pot.
For every pound of apples you add to the crock pot, add 1 cup of sugar.
Add 2-3 tbsp cinammon, 1 tbsp nutmeg, 1 tsp allspice, and 1 tsp ground cloves PER POUND of apples in your crockpot.
Add 3/4 cup water PER POUND of apples in your crockpot.

Put the lid on, turn crockpot on low and let it go for 8-12 hours.
Mash up the soggy apples. If it looks to watery, turn the crockpot on high and let it cook without the lid for an hour or two.

Allow the apple butter to cool in the crockpot. Dont worry if it's lumpy. Once it's cool, run it a little at a time through your blender on it's liquify setting. Pour into ziplock bags and freeze.

To use, thaw a bag and pour it into a jar with a lid. Use within 2 weeks of thawing.


Apple Sauce (spiced)

Fill a 12 qt. stockpot 2/3 full with apples that have been peeled, cored, and sliced. Add three cups sugar and cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice to taste. Fill pot with enough water to almost cover all the apples. Lid the pot and simmer it overnight. If there is an overabundance of liquid when you take off the lid (after at least 8 hours), strain away the liquid and save. Run the apple mush that's left through your blender once it has cooled. Bag the apple sauce up and freeze it.

You can take the liquid you pulled away, if there was any, add it back to a clean pot, add mulling spices and very quickly make cider to store/freeze.

Apple Picking and Grape Picking

You guys know that I'm a very excitable free shopper, but I feel that I did exceptionally well with this one. On craigslist (for my city) a friend and I found some people offering the fruit from their trees to anyone who wanted to pick. The best part was that it was FREE! All they asked is that you come pick your own. Well, a little work never hurt anyone, so with a few friends in tow, we went apple picking.

We borrowed an apple picker, which is a long pole with a wire basket on the top and tines to pull the apples into said basket. It was a huge help. At the first place, the only thing we could use was the apple picker. Oh, and some creative picking. I tossed a friend onto the roof of the shed (which the apple tree is over) and she grabbed the mostly unharmed apples from the roof. She filled a bag or two for us and a bag or two for a lady who had come without the benefit of a picker.

As we finished there, another post went up and we drove to another house with trees. These were low hanging and FULL of fruit. All told, we ended up with just over 200lbs of apples! A few days later, someone offered their grape vines for picking and we got FOUR reusable grocery bags full of grapes.

So... here's what we made and what we learned.

• A 12 quart stockpot will make about 4 quarts of apple sauce (or apple butter).
• 200lbs of apples might just be too much for an apartment
• Freezing in ziplock bags will save you money over mason jars in a pinch
• We were in over our head with the grapes. My jelly didn't set up and they are a pain to process, but fresh grape juice is delicious.
• Apple butter and apple sauce are both VERY easy to make. I'll put instructions in the next post.
  
• Grape jelly that doesn't set up can be watered down into very toddler friendly juice. Just mix one part liquid non-jelly into 5 parts water. That means that two quarts of failed jelly were turned into three gallons of awesome toddler grape-drink.
• Fresh raisins made in a dehydrator are great. Fresh raisins made from seeded grapes are crunchy.
• Apple pie filling is an amazing thing to have on hand, and very easy to make and freeze.
• The fabric diapers that come 5 or 6 to a pack (not the thick ones) are a great substitute for cheese cloth.
• Toddlers will steal fresh fruit given the chance. Our apple bucket regularly had a toddler hand in it to grab a piece of apple.
• Be patient with processing fruit.
  
• Get an apple peeler/corer/slicer. I cannot stress this enough.
• Men will help in the kitchen if you give them a masculine hand tool or a knife.
• Preparing and preserving food is a family thing. Get everyone involved.
• Stock up on cinammon, nutmeg, and allspice if you process apples in bulk

All told, it was a fun experience. I already knew how to process the apples and what to expect, but the grapes were new to me.

Planning Ahead and Sound Finances

I rant and rave about planning ahead, and I really do think that the reason most parents get stuck with massive holiday debt, intermittent debt every time major child purchases come, and money stress thinking about getting stuck like that is a lack of practical planning. Not a lack of planning, but PRACTICAL planning.

Even parents who have a savings account for dentist visits and medical emergencies get a little stuck when their child grows into a new bed or needs their next stage of toys and educational stuff. The same often goes with clothes and continuing expenses. All fo this comes to a head during holidays, especially birthdays and dreaded winter holidays.

Then I thought, maybe these parents don't plan for a reason! My best guess is that it's either very tedious to them or they lack space to buy ahead. So let me talk you guys through this process. It doesn't have to be time consuming or tedious, and after awhile, you might make a hobby of it.

Start early! Start planning ahead when they are born. The easiest way is by collecting clothing ahead of time for the first year or two they will need it. Put away the notion of not getting something because your child won't need it yet. Get it early and it's there when you need it. I'm not suggesting you collect 5 years ahead, but collecting for the next two isn't so bad.

Lose the term "buying". You aren't "buying" ahead, but "collecting". When you think of buying, it requires that you spend money and pushes you into that debt trap. Collecting implies many ways of getting what you need. Here are a few ways you can get these items without breaking the bank and tips for easy collecting.

1. Swap and Bartering Groups! Look for yahoo groups that focus on bartering items and services. You'll get rid of items you don't need and pick up things you do. Colorado has a group called Santa Swap for that exact purpose. If there aren't any around you, use the "barter" section on Craigslist.org or get together a group of local moms and start your own group.

2. Freecycle. Almost anywhere you are is a freecycle group. www.freecycle.org will help you find yours. People give away things they don't need and you pick them up from that person. Its aim is to keep our landfills free of useful items. The craigslist free section will also give you access to free items. Both these resources need to be checked often because things go quickly.

3. Choose your items to last. Avoid plastic furniture for young children. It's built to be disposable and keep you buying. Instead, watch your swap/free groups, yard sales, and thrift stores for real wood items that grow with your children. Who says the dresser in their nursery can't be the dresser they use in high school?

4. Embrace hand me downs! If you do this right, with the exception of some clothing, you should only be collecting for your oldest child or oldest couple children if you have a large family. This is another reason for choosing durable items. A toddler bed can be passed from one toddler to another. The same with cribs, dressers, lamps, diaper bags, toys, blankets, decor, books... getting the idea?

5. Clothes are another subject. Hand me down clothes are GREAT. Just be smart about them. If you have children of different genders (some boys/some girls), there's some clothing that cant be handed down or will have to skip a child. With clothing, collect ahead for your oldest boy and oldest girl, allowing for a wide range of clothing types. Not all clothing survives to be handed down, but you'll be buying much less if you save what can be saved.

6. Storage. Box clothing up by size if it isnt being directly handed down. Diaper boxes are great for this. Create a spot in your nursery closet or wherever you can for storing things. Things to store: clothes, disassembled furniture you are waiting for the next child to grow into, toys for holiday/birthday gifts as well as to keep up with general aging. Rule of thumb for clothes and toys: don't save anything they will not use in the next two years of development.

7. Use lists. List what you are watching for and watch for it until it comes. Don't get things not on your list or things that won't be used. For clothing, make numbers. List how many of each piece of clothing you want for each size and adjust it as needed. This will keep you from collecting 60 pieces of size 2T clothing and only 10 pieces of size 3T. Don't over-collect once you have plenty of something.

8. Young children don't know the difference between a new toy and a clean used one. If you have $50 saved for each child for whatever winter holiday you celebrate, you have two choices. You can get them a couple nice, new, toys from the store, OR you can get them any number of unique toys used. Thrift stores and craigslist will have a lot for sale throughout the year. Watch for things that are priced very well. Know what ages your children will be at certain holidays so you collect things that are just right when the holiday comes around. This means that you can buy ahead! When you spread holiday purchases over months and months instead of getting it all at once, you won't have the debt or money problems. Buying used also allows you to buy expensive educational toys or just expensive fun toys that you might not otherwise have afforded. Clean the toys up with gentle cleaner and get them as new looking as you can, then put them in your collection storage area. Box them up and wrap them in time for holidays.

9. Make your collection work for you. Number of children, gender of children, disabilities the children have, and many other factors will effect how you do this. Make your collection work for the space you have and the financial situation you're in. Be patient and remember that anything you have ahead of time (often for free or VERY cheap) is money that is set free to make sure your children live a good and full life. If I cut my holiday budget in half and get all their furniture and big expenses of the year for free, my children will have more varied and nutritious food and will have more enriching experiences like time at the zoo, train rides, etc. The money you save can be put into a savings account or spent on things that benefit your whole family.

Parenting has changed so much over the years, and I'm afraid that it's not a change for the better. Children are overprotected, undereducated, and overstimulated. Speaking to other parents and working with the public has given our household a sour view of current child raising technique.


25 years ago, it was not uncommon for a child to go outside and get dirty, unsupervised and make their own mistakes. While I do not support the idea that the past is an ideal time with no flaws, it doesn't mean we should just run downhill in our thinking. Drug wars, stranger danger teaching, and technological babysitters have moved our kids from running around til the porch light comes on to being stuck in the house with their electronics. Parents who used to be afraid of someone kidnapping their child are not afraid of cyber bullying. Now, instead of having a schoolyard bully and children who learned social cues protect themselves, we have parents piping every bully on the planet straight into your home computer. While we don't believe that violence solves every problem, there are a few times in young life where the knowledge and confidence of standing up for yourself builds character and teaches lessons. Until an age where diplomacy and intelligence can win battles, a schoolyard scuffle can be the stepping stone to debate on the senate floor. If you ask me, the senate floor is a far more brutal ground. Even if your lofty expectations of political success for your child aren't achieved, being able to defend oneself at that level is a skill that every adult should have. So why is it acceptable for your child to only be able to spell in text speak?


Today, society believes in dumbing down children so they do not have the tools to defend themselves, make proper decisions, or one day become adults. Your child, one day, is going to reach an adult age. Whether or not they have an adult brain, adult emotional understanding, and adult skills is ENTIRELY up to the parent. Your job as a parent is not just to give it a life and babysit for 18 years. You have committed to giving the child building blocks they need to be a successful person. Child personality is formed by the age of 4. If you haven't taught your child basic sharing and when it is (and is not) appropriate to express themselves by the age of 4, you are pretty much fucked. After that, it's all about expanding on the basics. Children are not being taught how to cope with disappointment, sadness, loss, happiness, bullying, bad grades, good grades, failure, or success. Children are instead being put in front of television, given a soda or something, and medicated when the sedentary activities combines with sugar make them more hyper than average. This is not to say that you should unplug your television, but there are books, parks, games, sports, and learning activities. God forbid, they might get dirty. Sodas, tv, video games, and computers have their place. They, like other tools, are useful. They are not, however, cure all babysitters or means of raising children. This is the same philosophy that says a wrench can't fix every car problem. Interaction with other adults and children, along with time in public, teach children the skills to deal with people and the problems that come with life.



Parents believe that their way of raising children is the only way, and have adopted non-confrontational parenting techniques while maintaining confrontation with anyone that logically challenges their system. While I believe that this sums up my point, you have parents teaching their children to be polite while cussing phone customer service in front of them. The lesson, scream long enough and you'll get what you want. Fighting isn't the answer anymore, but verbal assault and threats are just fine. Bullying has moved from the schoolyard, where at least some skill was involved, to a computer where any tantrum throwing ninny that can spell becomes a bully. This gives rise to two flaws. The first is that everyone should care about your child's feelings and give them validation, which leads to a child not learning to validate themselves. Do your want your child to believe everything the unwashed masses tell them, or do you want a child that thinks for themselves and builds their own self-esteem. That is why they call it SELF-esteem, not neighbor's-esteem-for-you. The second is that not even crime requires skill anymore, and a little fake information removes the risk. This means that teaching children not to harm one another is harder when the bullied have no recourse to even defend themselves, let alone call on help.


This is, after all, just a rant and doesn't even close to cover all the flaws I see with parents and other people's kids, lol. Take it for what it is.

Staying Pretty AND Sane

Sorry for the delay in posting folks. I caught a nasty respiratory infection and am just getting over it. It is with inspiration from being sick that I post today's topic.

There are people out there that believe that a pretty mommy is a selfish mommy. After all, the time she spent making herself look like a person could have been spent on her child.

In some cases, a pretty mommy (or aunt) is a smart, time-conscious woman!

Here are some tips on staying pretty on the run, no matter what is going on.

1. Carmex!

It comes in a pot or a tube, and it's a life saver. Chapped lips from being sick don't stand a chance against this stuff, and it's something you can share with your kids too. If you've been sniffling and have a red, dry nose, rub the flakes off your nose with a washcloth, then dab some Carmex on the red spots at your nostrils. It's tingle for a minute, but the redness and dryness with both disappear. It's not just medicinal, it leaves a healthy shine and glow on your lips making them look healthy and glossy.



2. The glamorous ponytail.

Keep some ouchless ponytail holders and a few bobby pins in your purse and you can do anything. Fluff your hair with your fingers and make a low ponytail with one of your elastics. Next, take a little sliver of hair from your ponytail and wrap it around the ponytail holder. Secure with a bobby pin. Spritz your hair with hairspray and you have the adult alternative to the sloppy ponytail.



3. Shoes!

If you've defaulted to sneakers because you have kids, consider some other options. There are a lot of shoes with good support that you can just slip on. I have a pair of Stride Right mary jane style shoes. They have thick inserts in them and they support my feet all day. Bonus: they are pretty shoes. Look around the store. Flats are in right now and they can come pretty cheap. That means you can have nice looking feet and comfort all at the same time.



4. Wardrobe choices

Screw sweatpants. I don't care if they are easy to throw on; no one looks good in them! It's springtime. Pick yourself up a few (cheap) jersey dresses in spring colors. As per the above paragraph, grab some of those inexpensive flats to match them. If you aren't familiar with jersey, it's a very "in" fabric for clothes right now. It's also a fancy word for t-shirt material. Fact: A pink/coral/teal jersey dress and matching ballet flats cost about the same as sweats and cheap tennis shoes. They also take about the same amount of time to put on. You aren't loosing anything and you are gaining a sexy-mom attitude.



5. Don't beat yourself up for taking some time for yourself

Being a mom doesn't mean that you have to stop washing your face, brushing your hair, or being the same person you were before. Your baby will survive the ENTIRE 15 minutes you're in the shower. Your baby will never hold it against you that you look pretty when you go out together, and it's only petty people who will think badly of you for looking like a person while having a child. Obsessing over cute baby outfits doesn't negate obsessing over cute adult outfits too. Just relax.

Don't Freak Out or The Hitchhiker's Guide To Parenting

Congratulations, you now own a creature that spits vile goo from both ends of it's body and screams at random intervals. Accept this.

The biggest pet peeve of mine is stressed out parents who freak out over everything. They are usually the same parents that believe you'll enjoy each moment with your child, even if you are underfed, tired, and haven't showered in a couple days.

I understand genuine child emergencies, hospital visits, and things. Freaking out then is ok, as long as it doesn't make you useless to your kid.

I'm talking more about the parents who run every time their child squalks, squeaks, fusses, or cries. I'm not advocating ignoring your baby when it's hungry, thirsty, tired, or needs attention. It's just not an emergency.

Turn off the inner panic button in you that goes off each time your child cries. Walk to your child instead of running, and remember that nothing scares a child like a scared parent.

Don't panic and always know where your towel is.

Coralling, Protection, and Independance

You are going to spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to move around, but what happens when they can. Safety gear is marketed to parents who don't know how to handle a toddler and their curiosities. Some things are worth it, some aren't, but they all prey on your fear that your baby will kill itself if their world is not baby-proofed.

I focus how I interact with our toddler on teaching her how to be a functioning human. If I cover her in safety gear and corral her into a pen, that's not reaching my goal.

Outlet covers are nice to have around. We don't, however, use baby gates or those crazy puppy-pens they market for children. Your baby will explore, stick things from ground to mouth, and touch anything in reach. That does not mean that you have to move everything from reach. A one and a half year old can begin learning what is and is not appropriate to touch. While ours doesn't like hearing "no", she knows exactly what it means.

This treatment has created a pretty independent toddler. We don't do for her the things she can do herself, and she gets to make mistakes. She falls and bumps her head, scrapes her arm, and gets rug burn. When she was a baby, we propped her bottle on blankets sometimes, which sped her being able to hold her own bottle.

We learned quickly that what you do for your child without letting them mess it up, they won't learn to do for themselves. If they drop the heavy table book or dish on their toe, they know not to do that. Your child will fall, will cry, and will get dirty. None of these things are an emergency.

Do You Really Need All That?

I've been saving these up for awhile. I'll expand on some of these themes as we go along, but this is my beginning dump of parenting and family thoughts, separated by entry.


They market so much for kids, and parents are eating it up. As you raise your child, you might realize that some of your purchases were a waste of time and money. You might also realize that you should have upgraded a few things you skimped on.

Example: Changing Table and Diaper Genie Elite

We didn't buy a changing table, and for the life of me, I don't know why anyone would. I change the girls on the couch and my bed, sitting next to them. I toss down one of the dozens of receiving blankets, lay the kid down, and do my job. I don't need a special table for it. Being portable with changes also helps when a really messy situation happens and it's not convenient to carry a dirty child all the way across the house.

The diaper genie thing is where some people skimp. We got a diaper genie elite and couldn't be happier with it. Our house does not smell like baby mess. I've seen homes where the knock off one was used and they don't seal off the smell quite as well.

Skip the $100-$300 new piece of furniture and drop $40 on something that makes your house not stink.

Ask yourself the necessary questions as you buy each piece of baby gear. Get what you need and what works for you and your baby, not what the store baby section says you need. Remember that not long ago, most women got buy without even half this crap, creating successful children and respected world leaders. Do you really want to be that parent that has to load an SUV just to leave the house with your kids?

Welcome

I feel like I should be using the opening monologue from The Libertine right now.

My name is Angel. I chose not to have children of my own, but two dear friends had one (then another) and needed my help. The mother is handicapped (cerebral palsy). So, here I am.

Child 1 is a toddler now and the second is a newborn.

This is sort of my confessional, but will come out as parenting tips. Some of you will think me the barbaric type and unfit to raise children, and others will find my advice to be common sense.

Our household is an alternative bunch and that will come out in my postings.

Feel free to respond to the posts. Everything else you might want to know about me will become apparent as this blog develops.

Moved to Blogger.

You'll see some repeat posts put here all at once, but I'm moving over to blogger.